Alone Time vs Me

What constitutes enough time alone for us to claim we spend time alone? Is it the drive to work, the hour we spend in the morning getting ready for the day, the time we spend on a walk or at the gym or is that just pretty normal, if we are comfortable doing those things alone does that mean we have completed the total of self love? Or do we push it to being alone the majority of our days, when we are comfortable enough to eat in a restaurant alone, go on holiday alone, do the things that one would usually class as a friend or couple activity as something we now choose to do and enjoy doing alone. 

I’ve always enjoyed being alone and spending time with myself but i remember a time where it was a feared part of my day, I worried for the moment my friends left or family went to bed. I lost the enjoyment for being alone because being alone then meant being with my emotions, which were then very much uncomfortable emotions. I still have these uncomfortable emotions sometimes, that we as humans all experience. However I treat them differently, rather than fearing them, I embrace them. See the way we feel can only really be noticed when we have some time alone. It’s usually the time we spend with our thoughts really recognising them which allows them to pass by. Our cognitive centre was just a stop on their journey, they had to pass it by in order to get to their destination. 

I switched my thought process to simply being alone over being lonely. When the beauty of alone time is realised, then is when you can explore who you .as a soul. really are. 

I learn the most about myself from going through things quite simply put, by myself. I don’t believe that everything should be endured solely on your own, some times its good to have other people around you, family, friends, going to therapy and in which ever ways that make you feel comfort through times of hardship.

There is a difference to needing people around you to wanting people around you. I have found when in need of others presence it is usually from a feeling of emptiness because it leaves no space for thinking. However I can now happily say I enjoy my alone time a little too much, I no longer feel a need for other peoples presence, it is now a want. By making it a want over a need It means I choose carefully who has access to me and who I spend my time with when I’m not choosing to be alone. This allows me to create a circle of humans that I can feel myself with, converse deeply with, express myself too and enjoy what they have to teach me.

It’s severely important in life to surround yourself with people that you want to be like. You become the 6th of the 5 people you spend your time with, so if you are giving your energy to 5 people who dwell on negatives, complain and hold bad habits, you will become the 6th. If you spend your time around 5 positive people, with high ambitions, high levels of self respect and that hold good habits, you will become the 6th.

The latter sounds better right? Choosing who is in circle will determine which direction your life is going to take. Do not shrink to fit in someone else’s bubble, find a bubble which helps you grow.

In the past there were many times of my life which left me surrounded by people who I didn’t actually connect with, there was no more then surface level conversations and the majority of the time the good times with them involved nights out and alcohol. When a friendship or relationship is based on the consumption of alcohol it rarely leads to a long term connection and unless the foundations are built already. 

Learning how to be comfortable alone is one of the most important factors to a happy life, if you are comfortable in your own space with zero distractions, zero interactions, zero entertainment allows you to fall into a space where you can truly explore your own mind, beliefs, morals and ambitions. 

It may feel scary, it may feel lonely at times, but through this process you will learn more than any podcast or self help book can teach you. 

Being happy with yourself allows you to love others more, your soul will be kinder, your life will be softer and that is all you need to reach peace and contentment.

Do not be afraid of the solitude which comes from raising your standards.

Sending Love,

K